a little revelation/realization

Sunday morning, trying to pick an outfit to wear to church and realized i really need to iron my linen clothes if i want to wear them. I went to the closet and took out the iron board. Never used to iron my clothes cuz i thought it's such a waste of time to have to iron my clothes. I tried to stay away from buying clothes that need ironing, except linens cuz i just love it so much. As i was ironing my shirt and pant, i realized something. I am fearful of the iron!! The iron somehow just makes me scare cuz i am afraid that i would burn myself. I am constantly making sure that the iron is put down correctly, or that it's away from me. Then I realized something!! I hate to iron cuz i was burn by an iron when i was little. For some reason, i was thinking how as a child i was quite reckless (this came to mind when i was ironing my sunday's clothes). I would try to do everything myself and sometimes not realizing how dangerous it can be (as a child). My parents can attest to this cuz i probably burn, hurt myself in many ways as a child. Anyhow, this morning, i realized that the underlying reason why i made up so many excuses to not iron is probably because i was burn pretty bad as a child when i tired to iron my own shirt. Plus, after i burned myself, i was afraid that i would get into trouble, so i tired to hide my injury from my parents. Of course that didn't last very long cuz i think i left the iron, and the iron board out. So, long story short, i don't have a scar from it, but i do remember burning two big spots on my forearm with the iron and it really really hurted. One mystery solved...

I want to be...

There are sooo many things i want to do and experience but i feel so limited. At times I want to try everything. I want to know how it feels to be an architect, to make a dream house turns into a reality. I want to be a painter, to make art that inspire people to appreciate the beauty of life. I want to be a photograher, to capture the reality of life but show the beauty behind it. I want to make stuff with my hands, to feel the end product with my fingers. I want to be a missionary, to see people's lives transformed by the power of Christ. I want to be a tour guide, to travel around the world and see the wonders of God's creations. I want to work in an orphanage, to care for those who are forgotten. I want to be a lawyer, to fight for justice and be a voice for those whose voices are silented. I want to be a writer, to write a story that leave an imprint in their hearts. I want to be a pianist, to be able to move my fingers and produce beautiful music that comforts the souls. I want to be an industrial designer, to make household products that are functional but cute to look at. I want to be a party planner, and it's just cuz it sounds fun and cool, plus you get to buy all these fun stuff for the party.
I guess perhaps when i get to heaven, i will have all the time in the "heaven" to do all these things. But i guess by then, some of those jobs will not be needed, but instead i can probably sing all day/century. I can probably paint all day/century. I can probably learn how to play the harp and the cello. I can probably learn a couple dozen of languages (not sure i'll need to "learn" it per sa). I can probably visit all of God's creation. Hum.. i actually do have a list of things that i want to do when i get to heaven. I want to interview all the people in the Bible, and find out what "really" happened. How did Abram denies Sara as his wife. What makes Jacob worked so hard for Rachael, was she that beautiful? How stupid was Esau? Somehow i always thought Stephen was really cute, so i really want to meet him. Of course i want to see Jesus, cuz somehow i don't think he's this tall, handsome looking dude. If anything, i would think he's not much to look at. I want to talk to David and ask why he changed? I want to ask Solomon how he feels about his parents and whether he really know what really happened.
This is what i do when i can't sleep... ramble on and on about really random stuff.. don't even bother to read.. i think i just want to write...

Rain

It's pouring outside. Kind of strange since LA hardly gets much rain, let along pouring rain. You can actually hear the rain pouring down from the sky and hitting the ground. I love listening to the sound of the rain, it's so refreshing. I also love the smell of the rain. You can smell the heat from the ground, and the moisture in the air. The sound of the rain makes you feel like your soul is being wash clean, and it comforts your soul with the rhythm of the raindrops. How come it's not making me sleepy??

Sleepless night

I love to sleep. Yet there are times when i just can't fall asleep. Usually on a rainy night like tonight. I can sleep like a pig but tonight i can't fall asleep even though i have a cold and had a long week. I went to coffee bean tonight with a couple of friends and had long ling green tea, maybe that's the reason why i can't sleep. I need to stop drinking tea on a sunday's night. Or maybe it's something else that is keeping me up tonight. I don't know for sure. I just know i have to get up in 5 hours and teach a bunch of first graders for the next four days and i know that i'll need all the energy i can have to do the job well. come sleep...

Watching "winter sonata" over again. It's just a sad story but i do love the snow scenes. I don't really miss the cold but at times i do miss the snow. I miss the first snow fall, miss seeing the trees cover with snow after a long night of snow, miss seeing the city cover in white, miss watching the snow at my window and seeing the streets change in color, at times i even miss digging my car out from four feet of snows. I remember one year it snowed really hard in Stony Brook, and a bunch of my friends and I went out in the snow and just walked around. It was beautiful. That night was a really cold night and the snow fell like snowflakes, you can actually see the shape of each and every snowflakes. I remember staying in awe of the awesomeness of God's creation. Amazed at how each snowflakes have a different pattern and design. We tried to catch the snowflakes and just see each one, it was hard. I remember watching it falls and it will lay on my red jacket and it was so clear. Some of my friends weren't christian, but at that point they were in awe of how beautiful the snowflakes were. That was a very memorable night.

Grey's Anatomy

It's one of my favorite TV drama thus far. It's actually the first drama that i would like to own and rewatch over and over again.
Tonight was a really good episode. An intern's decision to stay up an extra 12 hours to save a patient's life, yet fall asleep behind wheels for one second and took the life of a mother/wife away. What irony. I guess life is full of it, but when you see it before you, it just makes you wonder how a split of a second can change not just one person's life but many others. It's like a ripple effect, it just gets bigger and bigger...somehow our lives are intertwine in such a way that even a genius mathematician can't figure it out. Tonight was a sad one, it makes you want to stop and think about life.
Also, it talked about forgiveness, the intern apologizes to the girl's father. The dad looks like he wanted to kill the boy, but instead, he touched him and left. Forgiveness is more powerful than hate, and at times, we need to be reminded how we are forgiven for all that we have done. For myself, it's hard to remember and comprehend my need to be forgiven. It's so easier to "think" about forgiveness, but it's soooo hard to fully "experience' being forgiven.
The last part of the show was about Meredith finally accepting the new guy in her life. McVet kept telling her that she is "scary" and "damage" and she told him that if he fully realized how scary and damaged she is, he should run away. He then told her in very few sentences just how scary and damaged HE IS. Ai, to hear such things from a guy.

Korean Drama - Goong

Yet another obsession of mine. It has been awhile since I last updated my blogspot. Mostly due to the fact that i have been obsessing over a new drama "Goong". My friend told me a site called youtube.com and i have been on that site everyday ever since. You can find anything from a home video to movies to drama to animation. So, with that said. I have search just about everything I can think of on that site. I have watched the whole series of Hana Yori Dango, an anime about Four boys and one girl. Taiwan made it into a hit TV series called "Meteor Garden" which i watched a couple of years ago. I was quite happy to finally get to watch the actual anime, although i have been reading the comic books in borders for the last year. I also managed to watch the first season of Ranma 1/2, and probably will watch the rest sometime this year. Then i watched a bunch of old drama that i have seen before, and finally I decided to watch this drama which my friends have been obsessing about-Goong.
I have to say, man.. it was a good drama. I love the setting of the story - took place in the Palace of Korea (but korea does not have an imperial family, it's a make-believe story background). The clothing in this drama is amazing!! The old Korean outfits are beautiful and interesting. The western clothes for the main actress are gorgeous. She almost never wore the same thing twice in this drama. The only thing missing in this drama is good food. Alright, enough said about it. It's time to come back to reality and leave that dreamy world where guys would be faithful, loyal, and falling madly and deeply in love with you regardless of what you do or not do. Ai.
So, that's where i have been for the past week. Lost in the world of Goong (Palace), lost in the midst of their friendship, love, family loyality and obligation, betrayal, lies, and deception. Sadly to say, at times i wish i can stay in that world and not come back to this world. I will spare you guys the reason for that.