Monday, July 23, 2007

Is it wrong?

Some people have an amazing recovery rate from breakup (at least to me it's amazing). How does someone break their attachment to a person, a soul, a living thing and then move on to another person in months. Okay. I know a lot of you out there are probably like that, but seriously, how do you do it? How do you go from thinking about Person A day in and day out to thinking about Person B in a couple of months.
I always think breaking up is like detoxing yourself from that person. It's a process and it takes time. It's like a mourning process. You go from thinking about that person all the time, to just some of the time to maybe once in a while. Maybe other people are more flexible in their emotions or attachment than me. The amazing part isn't just getting over the person, but to move on and be willing to risk again and go out with another soul. How?!
Certain things bother me more than other. Well, i know, a lot of things bother me and bug me. But really, seeing people dating people who are either wrong for them or knowing that it won't work out and someone end up getting hurt. Maybe it's my intense desire to stay away from hurt and pain. I think pain in an inevitable part of life, but there are some pains that you are just asking for it. To me, that's STUPID. Well, there are some pains you want to endure because the end results is a positive one (like drawing blood, which to me is still one of the most terrifying things to do). Then there are pains that you can avoid but you don't. Actually, i am thinking more inflicting pains on others rather than yourself.
This is the part about relationships that bugs me. People date people, people date the wrong people, people let themselves fall in love with the wrong people, people allowing the other person to fall in love with them and then leaving them. Some scars last for life and it may make you a better person, but really, does that dismiss the fault of the person who inflicted the pain in the first place? Okay, this has nothing to do with me, but it just bugs me. It bugs me that people think having pure intention in the first place implies no guilt. Why can't people think before they act, well, i guess if people do that, we can probably save ourselves from a lot of mistakes. Ai. I am just picky. But really, what's a little more thinking ahead, and a little less regretting. Some mistakes are not reversible. You can always learn from your mistakes, but some, if not all of us had paid for mistakes that we wished we didn't make. Especially those that involve hurting another person's feelings. Okay, enough venting for the night.
P.S. this is not a personal issue at all, but just an issue that bugs me. I think if anything, i think a little too hard before i do anything, thus one of the many reasons why i am still single, and probably will stay as one.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

NYC

In another two hours, it would be exactly one week since I landed in NYC. It's only been a week?! What the heck. It feels a lot longer than a week at this point. Yet I have been "doing" things here and there for this whole week. Ate good at times, and other times, i just skip meals. In my friend's words, I don't wake up early enough for meals. Which is not entirely true, since i refused to eat anything at my aunt's house. I'll spare you the details.
I had NY pizza twice for lunch already, it's the best deal really. $2 for a slice of NY pizza and a drink. Can't beat NY pizza. Two Italian meals, one at Carmine, huge portion, and the other one at my favorite Italian place in the village. Carmine was good, but really expensive this time. My friend wanted the special, which is this huge prime steak, a pasta dish, and a fish dish. Three dishes were enough to feed 7 of us. But the prime steak didn't come with a cheap price tag, $70 for the dish. It was good though. My favorite place in the village is still better, seafood dish, with mussels, clams, lobster tails, and a shrimp pasta dish with mushroom an cream sauce. Total comes to under $40, which is much better deal than Carmine. Oh, and i had my Eileen's cheesecake two nights in a row. Not too bad...
Enough about food. NY is an interesting place, you can love it or hate it. Either way, you feel something towards it. On any given day, you can hear more than 5 different languages just standing at the train station. Then of course, you get the crazy NYer, like today, who started singing in the middle of the train. No one bothers to tell him to stop, h was singing pretty good, but still. Keep it to yourself man. I realized i get so irriated here because you see some many people every second and there is no such thing as personal space. Seriously, some people need to wear more deodorant or just don't lift up your arms!!! Especially in a hot summer, humid day in NY.
Yet i discovered a gem in the city the other day. Googled Borders in the city, there is one on 57th and Park. I went there to pick up a traveling journal for my roadtrip (at this point, i wish i am leaving tomorrow), and not expecting to find a whole lot at the store. But this borders turns out to be huge! It is three stories, with plenty of seatings, i was there for close to two hours, and i didn't want to leave. I found what i was looking for, and i end up reading a great book which Sandee showed me the other day. It was a great story, but i can't remember the name of the book. Seriously, why can't i remember these things.
Believe it or not, i still manage to watch K-drama in NY. My mom took me to the video store to see what we can watch. I have been telling her about k-drama for years, but for some reasons, she is really biased toward k-drama. She thinks they are all sad and overly dramatic, and depressing. But i assured her that this one was really good and funny. So we end up renting "My name is Kim Sam Soon", even though I have seen it before, i didn't mind watching it again. It didn't take long before my mom realized why I liked it so much. She thinks the main character acts just like me, crazy and wrack. At least she is true to herself and honest.
Obviously i am really bored to be blogging. It is really sad that i don't feel like there is a place for me to stay when i come "home". I am staying over at a friend's house for the next couple of nights. She is really busy with summer school tho, so i have to stay out of her way. I am thinking next time I come home, i should just find a short term place to lease for a couple of weeks, and that will be better. A place in the city or something.
I told myself that this time i will go to the museums and see a broadway shows, but at this point, i don't see myself doing any of those things. I still have 1.5 weeks, and will spend the rest of this week up in Albany with my cousin.
I am ready to come back to LA though. I missed my apt. I think my bensai will be dead by the time i get back to LA, since i didn't tell anyone to go water it. Oh well.
Enough venting. Let me find another way to amuse myself.